Man, I felt like an idiot. It was the summer after my first year of college, and I was at home, gazing upon all the things that hadn’t made it with me to school: remnants of hours spent shopping and scavenging during high school. Clothes I was never going to wear, or at least never going to wear again; shelves packed with books I would never read; drawers bursting with makeup I never used; half-finished and never-started art projects languishing in boxes on the floor. Man. I really thought these things were going to work. They were going to make me happy. Popular. Smart. Cool. Better.
Conversations with my sister and friends taught me I wasn’t alone in the pastime of collecting and curating new selves month by month. My sister lamented the hours and money she spent trying to become worthy of a sustainable group of friends through trips to Marc Jacobs and Urban Outfitters. We needed to look the part, we were convinced.
As a teenager, when I became aware of the world of marketing — of the magic and fantasy projected onto things— I read that advertisers must create artificial needs. In our developed world, with all of our immediate material needs already met, we must keep the wheels of economy and progress spinning. Never mind turning inwards, refining, growing, or becoming sustainable. We must always produce. Buy. Grow outwards, not in. And to do this, we have to create new needs. I need twenty shades of lipstick. A handbag for each day of the week. A new phone every year. I need these things. Don’t I? Don’t you?
But that made me feel like a total dope. Swindled. There’s a constant mind game going on, and I’m sorry, but you fell for it! If you had just been a little smarter, a little stronger, had a little more faith, you might have been able to keep your head above the rising tide of all of the newly created needs. All that time and money you spent? Evidence of your spiritual and intellectual weakness. Did you really think it would work? Well, yes, I did!
This feeling of moral inferiority is familiar. I felt the same way about spending time on my appearance, not through shopping, but through learning to diet: to eat, or not to eat. When I wrote my post “A Means to an End,” I tried to describe how there was something more at stake beyond just “looking good.” It was about being safe. Being important. Worthy. Complete. The same is true, I think, when it comes to stuff. It’s not that we’ve been swindled or duped. There is something real that we’re striving for.
Think about our food supply. We are surrounded by food, cheap food, everywhere! But none of it is all that nourishing: just sugar, chemicals, flavoring, some cow secretions. Someone glares at an overweight person and sneers, “how can you be hungry?” The person knows they are hungry. “I’m always hungry,” they realize. But there’s nothing to satisfy them. All this waste, this excess, but no nourishment. It’s the food that’s artificial, but the hunger, the need, is real.
This is what I suspect is happening with our consumer culture. It’s not so much that the needs are artificial, but that all the time we’re being sold artificial solutions to real needs.
What was it that I was hungry for as a teenager that I’m still hungry for now? If I could see what it was that I really needed, could I learn how to actually meet that need? I’m sure that psychologists and anthropologists have made all kinds of eloquent descriptions of these things. But each time I clean out my apartment, I get a sharper sense that:
We need to establish our belonging to a group. We need to show, using our clothing and belongings, our membership within a certain community. Likewise, we need to differentiate ourselves from the groups we don’t want to be associated with. If I look like you, then maybe you’ll accept me. Look, I have money! Look, I’m an adult! A professional! A student, a local, one of you. As a child, I needed a Sanrio lunchbox; in middle school, wallaby shoes; in high school anything Abercrombie (and that is some flimsy, shitty clothing); now, I don’t even know: a handbag that costs more than my rent? I have wondered, for instance, whether the black students at my high school and college felt the need to “look white” or look obviously like students to avoid being treated badly.
We need to stand out as individuals within our communities and groups. We’re trying to express not just community identity, but individual identity. So we seek out variations on the same aesthetic. I’m the goth kid with the cat ears, she’s the one with the spiked collar, he’s the one with the fox tail and fingerless gloves. Or, my oversized glasses have white frames. I have the green iPod. My hoop earrings say “princess,” not “diva.” My shorts are seersucker, not white linen. We are provided with endless choices through which to establish and express ourselves. We get to focus more on what we buy and less on what we do, to figure out who we are.
We need to perform our genders. We need to feel like men, or like women, or like both, or neither, or some alternate identity. We need to express whatever gender is ingenuous to us. I buy makeup to feel like more of a woman. I buy collared shirts and heavy boots to feel like less of one. Our shampoos and soaps declare our gender to whoever smells us, or meanders drunkenly into our bathrooms during a party. Let it be known that this shaving cream is FOR MEN. Let it be known that this shampoo is for HER, not for him! Eat the salad to feel feminine, the meat to feel masculine. The gendered symbolism of so many products lets us conform or deviate in whichever ways grant us the most security within our communities.
We need to maintain a standard of appearance that will secure our safety and respect. Don’t look old. Don’t look fat. Don’t look ugly. Don’t look out of style. Keep up.
We need to feel capable, successful, that we have made it. We need to feel accomplished. And this car, this bag, this outfit, this watch, this bottle of fancy-ass booze is just the thing. If I buy this brand, I get all the status and social capital that comes with it. I take on its fantasy characteristics, absorb its qualities. I move into its carefully crafted aesthetic.
We need beauty, wonder, excitement, and entertainment. We need meaning and adventure outside the daily grind, the act of subsisting. So we seek out novelty, the stimulation of new things all the time. We seek out distraction and fantasy worlds, temporary escapes, vicarious lives.
We need a feeling of progress and growth, direction and life. So we buy more, newer, better, constantly trading up.
If you, like me, have ever felt frustrated about buying something that didn’t make good on its promise, didn’t bring you the feeling it was supposed to embody, just remember that you are one person, and you and your entire community are surrounded by the products of a trillion dollar industry. The need to belong, to be secure, and to feel good about ourselves is natural and also extremely powerful. And the salt of advertising gets rubbed in the wound of our insecurities every day, so ubiquitous and pervasive that we don’t even consciously perceive it, much less challenge it. It says everything by implication and subtle symbols. It thrives on our belief in its harmlessness and frivolity.
We don’t have to regret our desires and impulses, especially not after a lifetime of conditioning. The needs are real, even if the “solutions” are ephemeral. It’s not that stuff is never the solution, or that it can’t ever make us happy, or bring meaning and well-being into our lives. Plenty of things do. The challenge is finding those things, and letting go of the ones that don’t matter. Everything is pretending to be ‘it’: the thing you need. All of us are trying to survive physically and emotionally: we have egos and identities to nourish, not just bodies.
So what does it actually take to meet those needs? What makes us complete, what makes us belong? I’m sure that the answers to those questions are somewhat different for everyone, and that the time, space, and quiet needed to honestly look at them are the last things our culture wants to give us.
Your writing is beautiful and honest. It is almost embarrassing to think about as you point out these “needs” we have, because it is so true.
“Thou shalt have no other gods before me” -Ex. 20
Sad how almost no-one follows this rule anymore. I’m even guilty too, with my obsessions with tractors and clothes. There’s way too much consumerism going around and I don’t believe the crap that it’s “good” for the country.
I have one purse, two shades of lipstick, and no smartphone. If I’m not using it, out the door it goes.
I love gazing upon clean, unfilled space. Potential is an endless source of excitement and fun.
UnAmerican? Seems to be. But the ones living happy, healthy, satisfied lives rarely make the evening news, do they?
We hoard because we have an evolutionary need to acquire resources and because our society has done a great of convincing us all that we are measured by our stuff.
A truth that once recognized cannot be manipulated into ignorance. A lovely and most telling mirror to our collective patterns and individual needs.
well said.
Guilty as charged on all accounts !
I struggle back and forth with this… see, on the one hand, I’m all for simplifying and having only what you need, love, and use… that minimalism trend started when I was in high school and it was like water to my parched soul… except, I also struggle a lot with being the self-sacrificing type and sometimes it’s hard to tell when I’m being minimal as an expression of my desire to know when I have enough or when I just don’t feel worthy of giving to myself. I suppose both versions boil down to mindfulness…
Great stuff here…
Just do not give yourself possibility too have many choses. It is not so difficult to spent a day or two without the tv on, phone, internet, shopping… The “artificial needs” are creating crime in most of the world. But really what needs a human being to be happy. No more than a child: food and to feel safe and loved.
Reblogged this on ♥••••Clearhaven••••♥ and commented:
A beautiful and well written exposition of our need to consume/buy things we most of the time often don’t need, just to feel like we ‘belong’
This is so beautiful
Reblogged this on Positive Nigerian and commented:
Satisfaction can only be gotten when we concentrate on needs and not wants.
On the hoarding note, isn’t it funny that if you hoard different shaped/coloured rocks you’re considered crazy, but if you hoard money you’re considered successful? I dunno, man; capitalists would say that if you hoarded money then you could buy all the rocks you could ever want. But I’ve tried to buy rocks online. It’s much more difficult than any capitalist I know would let on. Maybe happiness is hoarding rocks? Sweet post. I relate much. The most sucky thing is fulfilling these socially-imposed rituals while knowing, on some level, that you’re doing it and that you’re fucking powerless to stop the feelings driving the actions. Eww-ness!
Funny I just wrote about this day. I enjoyed reading your post.
Unfortunately, our economic system is founded upon creating these false “needs” – all the powers that be must keep us numbed in front of the TV being fed a constant diet of advertising to persuade us we’re not satisfied.
Look at the poor kids who “have it all” like Justin Bieber. Do we aspire to that?
I think the hole we’re trying to fill can only be filled with spiritual food, and yet people rarely talk about that.
Congrats on the Freshly Pressed! Pretty cool that you got FP on the same that another FP post argued against our obsession with speed and immediacy. Both are refreshing!
Well said. Maybe Beiber’s behaviour is evidence of a purposeless life? I mean, his passion (music) is working for him, but if he doesn’t use that platform for some sort of purpose, then what?
Reblogged this on Mindful Musings at Midlife and commented:
Terrific post regarding marketing and creating artificial needs so that new products can offer the solutions.
Nicely done.
we have bodies and egos…yes…and we also have spirits…we need to nourish the soul as well if we neglect it we will always feel incomplete.
The problem with society is that we put too much stress and emphasis on things that do not even matter in life. Who really cares if you have the lastest Nike shoes or a cool new haircut? It is the emotional and spiritual moments we have with friends and family that matter most of all. We should help people feel better about themselves, not worse! I think it is horrible that advertising tries to make us feel we are inferior if we are not physically attractive, famous or have lots of money. A lot of those people aren’t always as happy as we think they are, anyway!
Reblogged this on Twisted8.
Don’t mix up “collecting” things with hoarding. True hoarders have rats and mold, garbage everywhere, no place to sleep because the bed is possibly covered in how ever many feet of “things” and possibly garbage. True hoarders feel anxiety when the “stuff” is taken away. They need medication in some cases to battle the anxiety.. I think they are depressed too, anxiety and depression go hand in hand. It’s hard to clean up the house when the person’s mental state is so cluttered with possible low self esteem. Maybe they aren’t spiritual people. Spiritual people KNOW worldly goods won’t make things better, not all religious people do if you ask me.
Hi Lorraine, you are completely right about true hoarding; the title of my post was actually changed to “Why We Hoard” by one of the WordPress editors, without my permission — something I need to ask them about. I was concerned that this would make my post seem like it’s making light of people who are struggling with a real psychological problem based in fear or trauma, not consumerism. Thank you for bringing this up.
i like ^^
Reblogged this on Life.
Reblogged this on Personal Coordinator LLC and commented:
This is a well written and worth the read and sharing.
As I purge and pare down in my home, this post is sooo timely.
Great post! So true for so many people…I like to keep things simple and re-use as much as possible – my favorite ‘shopping’ place is my local dump, seriously. It’s the best resource, perfectly good things are not simply ‘thrown away’, they are re-used by others in the community.
Granted, my needs aren’t fueled by advertisers lying to me, they are fueled by real needs and my personal desire to only own well-made and aesthetically (to me at least) pleasing items…I am already teaching my son (who is now 4) that advertisers (more often than not) are very good at creating a need where there is none…not to say I don’t buy new items, I do, but I don’t buy in excess.
Yes, I have stuff. I like stuff (who doesn’t?). Perhaps I have too much ‘stuff’, though I’d like to think the stuff I have is because it enriches my life…
For instance, flowers, grown by me, in a vase, on my kitchen table… A good book I can read and then drop off at my transfer station for another to read (for free) or a beautiful linen sheet purchased from a local shop…it’s all ‘stuff’, but stuff with a purpose…I guess everything can have a purpose, it just depends on the needs of the consumer…and there we go again…(:
Our internal unmet needs can’t be met by ‘stuff’. Yet, ‘stuff’ does and can enrich our lives…
Thank you for such a well written and thought provoking post!
Congrats on being freshly pressed (and hold on for the ride)!
You have an excellent point here. I find that when I’m craving something, whether it be new clothes or food (often food), it is a symptom of a deep spiritual need. My prayer, often, is that, whenever I feel down or inferior, I would turn to Jesus, not stuff or food. Those things are liars. They don’t deliver.
I think we all have a burning desire to have a richer, more meaningful life, and this takes a lot of soul searching. Like you said, its easier to try to replace these deep inner needs with easy ones that come from a retail outlet. Great post!
Disconnecting from the consumer culture requires becoming more knowledgeable about ourselves: what really matters to me? what do I stand for? what are my core values?
There is a wonderful tool on the authentichappiness.org site (Univ. of Pennsylvania), called the VIA Survey of Character Strength. It gives you the top 5 values (out of a total of 24) and is very helpful in bringing clarity to what we really value.
Once we know that… we can make better decisions about how we want to spend our time any given day, month, or year. Is what I am going to do today in alignment with my core values? Will buying this new handbag somehow add to my core values and life trajectory? If not….that’s an easy decision to make 🙂
Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!
“Love is all you need…. ”
Very thoughtful and an urgent reminder that WE ARE ENOUGH.
Reblogged this on colleenschoultz and commented:
I am always trying to figure this one out!
I love your reflections and especially this line ”collecting and curating new selves month by month.” Blessings.
Reblogged this on Minimalist Living.
Reblogged on minimalistlifestyle.wordpress.com
I loved this. Thank you for writing, I’m trying to be more conscious of what I am buying and am in the process of clearing out the clutter. Posts like these keep me going.
I’m glad I realised, early in life, that I don’t “need” to fulfill any of the above mentioned. If I really “need” clothes, it’s probably because the one I currently have has a hole in it and cannot be saved. Artificial needs indeed, for they never make me authentically happy!
Thank you for writing this beautiful piece 🙂
I love the line about artificial solutions to real needs. This is a great post.
I love this post, like a lot. I love how honesty and vulnerability are both expressed here without destroying the very essence of what you wanted to say. I love how real it feels, how it slaps me in the face about the ugly truth of consumerism, and how it makes me want to throw out half of the things I have at home because I feel foolish for having fallen into the consumerism trap (only to stop at the thought that I spent how much on those things). But, kudos on writing this post. It’s beautiful.
Reblogged this on More Aah than F*** and commented:
In our family we call this “Rationing Mentality” from the Make Do and Mend of WW2. I do hoard but I am trying to sort it. I do one in and one out. I have a plastic carrier bag in the back hall, we add things for the charity shop and take it in every week (took 2 bags today!). At the moment I am sorting bedding and curtains. I have a new blanket due to be delivered tomorrow – so at least one bedding item will be going. Then there is the new summer (remember that?) dress I have coming from Boden so I will have to sort my wardrobe again!
Well, I think it’s interesting to think of the two extremes: those who have been in situations where they have nothing and so they overcompensate by getting everything once they can; and those who have generally had enough but because of that they’re accustomed to being bombarded by constant images of what they need and what they REALLY won’t be able to live without. And I think both of these groups are especially vulnerable to a heavy consumer culture that elevates what we own over who we are and who we should be. This is a great post, thank you.
-Valentine
Flux: Encountering Adulthood
http://www.fluxforum.com
Reblogged this on Beyond Thoughts and Dreams and commented:
Think twice before you buy!
Just imagine how much money and Time are spent on these ‘unwanted’ things.
The most simple alternative is to deposit the amount into bank, and enjoy the interest.
People can donate a tiny portion of that money to someone in need.
Thanks a million, totally agree with you, made us think about.
The person knows they are hungry. “I’m always hungry,” they realize. But there’s nothing to satisfy them. : that is in fact True- literally. Processed food doesn’t have enough nutrients to sustain healthy existence so people keep on eating empty calories, that weigh the body down. So I guess the same is true with our shopping habits. I often shop out of boredom and the results are usually disastrous… About a year ago I got into decluttering and ethical shopping 83 shopping as littles possible
Reblogged this on christineszurek.
I feel the need is something utilitarian. I buy a car to haul my ass from point to point. When it wears out, I buy a new one. I buy phones and computers to keep up with my grandkids. Otherwise they are also utilitarian. My stuff does not define me. Good post, great logic, and insight.
Beautiful, beautiful post.
I feel like I have “just the right amount” of stuff. I have a television. I have a laptop. I have a desk and small shelf full of art supplies. I even have a few books. I have clothes. I have a pay and talk phone. I do not feel like I need anything more than I have already, because I know what I have is MORE than enough to satisfy any wants and needs I may have.
Good read. Keep it up. =)
Nice. I happen to be a sojorner and one thing I notice is how much people have / need.. It’s very sad really. When you think of the energy each item carries it’s no wonder the confusion and unhappiness is so rampint in our society . The actual weight of things.. spiritually. I am an advocate for keeping flow and ridding the self of excess! just helped a friend rid herself of much unwanted stagnet weight. Most hoarders just need some positive insight, motivation and someone to help them carry pack and or sell their possessions! By then they have cracked the surface of truth…
Reblogged this on Free Birds and commented:
We all want to feel fulfilled. It is the most basic universal story
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Reblogged this on evolvedmindbodyspirit's Blog and commented:
Well said
The accuracy of this post is truly inspiring. Very well said.
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Reblogged this on mysakuranights and commented:
We need… Really?!?
We tend to spend more hours working for the things we don’t need just to please others around us hoping that they could see the word “successful” written in every flashy item we buy.
I saw The crowd detail on Deviant Art in May.. loved it then. Now I found your blog! Marvelous.. Please E-mail me I would like to use The Crowd detail as part of a collage. Looking for imagery to visualize my feelings .. hope to hear from you.
Sincerely,
Ciro DiRuocco
CiroCapri84@gmail.com
Hi Ciro,
If you just want to use the image for a personal project, that is fine; if it’s going to be displayed online or in public, please credit me (Anna Jones) with a link to either my deviantart page or this blog. Glad you enjoyed the piece.
All best,
Anna
I will credit you and your blog+ deviant page! Thank you..